The Must-Read Book Club

Donnalynn Civello: One of my spiritual mentors recommended it to me a few years back when I was going through a particularly difficult break-up and felt as if I had lost a part of myself to the relationship. She was quick to remind me that the most important relationship I will ever have here on earth is the relationship to MYSELF and the DIVINE (which are one in the same). Although I have always intellectually known this, my perspective was fogged at the time and I needed a gentle reminder. The guidance and simple wisdom in this book helped to bring me back to that centered, grounded and balanced state within myself where I could learn to love and trust again.

YCNYC: Favorite quote?​

DC: “I absolutely LOVE this quote! It’s my personal mantra. I live by it daily and I give it to my girls who are looking for love. They always ask me, “Donnalynn, when will I meet the right guy? I’ve done so much work on myself. I am ready.”

Here’s what the Spiritual Rules of Engagement tell us – “So when will you meet the right guy? When you couldn’t care less whether you meet the right guy or not. When you are satisfied with who you are as a person, with your connection to life, and with your spiritual journey. When you are focused on helping someone else in need. When you are not reacting to the situation. When you’re operating in this space, meeting the right guy just becomes icing on the cake. That’s the secret.”

This quote just makes me so happy because it reinforces that true love comes from within. When you are a beautiful light out in the world, your light attracts that beauty back to you. It can be no other way.

YCNYC: What one person would you recommend this book to?

DC: Any woman who is looking to meet Mr. Right and/or any woman who is in an unsatisfactory relationship with her mate and who might be prioritizing that relationship over her own relationship to herself. After all, if you do not love yourself, how can you ever ask a man to fully love you? It isn’t his job to love you; it’s YOUR job.

YCNC: What moment or part resonates with you the most?

DC: Yehuda talks about the perfect union between two souls and what it takes to get there. He likens it to “The Orbiting Planets” Scenario. For two planets to orbit the sun successfully, certain rules need to be in play. The same holds for two people in a relationship. These planets would have to TRAVEL:

1. In the SAME DIRECTION or they risk collision. They should want the same things out of life. They should have complementary values and similar goals in common.

2. At the SAME ALTITUDE or they will never be on the same wavelength. Their passion for life needs to be aligned and their spiritual awareness needs to be at the same level or they will never connect properly and surely never see eye-to-eye.

3. At the SAME SPEED – or one will fall behind/bypass the other. It’s draining to carry someone who is not emotionally at your level/hasn’t done the work on themselves yet.

I had never thought about this concept, but quickly realized the brilliance in it and ever since, I am very careful to evaluate my own relationships against this model… Are we traveling in the same direction (do we want the same things out of life?). Are we at the same spiritual altitude (are we hearing each other and able to grow together?). Are we traveling at the same speed (or do I have to lift this person up/fix this person/teach this person/help this person become their best self) or are they already their own best self. Those are the spiritual rules of engagement. If only we were taught to do this work prior to entering relationships, we would be better equipped to create more harmonious, loving relations with ourselves as well as with other beings. And really with the caliber of those orbiting planets, it makes for a safer universe for us all!

You can purchase The Spiritual Rules of Engagement here.

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